How The Hell Do You Boil An Egg?
Cooking tips for students and amateur chefs.
Leaving home is wonderful in many ways. You have the freedom to do what you like without your parents getting on your case about everything. You can go out when you like, wearing what you like, eat what you like, put your shoes on the sofa, sleep in until tea time and no one gives a shit about it. How lovely.
But one day you will wake up in a bed with sheets that haven’t been washed since you moved in, wearing the same clothes you’ve had on for 5 days, with a stinking hang over and not enough money to buy another kebab for brekkie. This is the point that you’ll wish you mum was around to sort your mess of a domestic life out.
Unfortunately she is 200 miles away. Pull yourself up out of bed, wash your face and brush your teeth and wander to the kitchen. A student fridge is usually pretty bare. One will normally encounter: tomato ketchup, butter, a carrot, some mouldy old pizza and an egg or two. Your natural student instinct is to eat around the mould on the pizza and perhaps scrape it off and cover it with ketchup to disguise that fungus taste. DON’T DO IT. You will for one thing get ill as well as be utterly lazy and scummy. Instead attempt the impossible; boil the eggs.
It’s a turning point for you, you’re blossoming – but not quite yet. There are so many things that can go wrong. How do you know when it’s boiled? You can’t see inside the egg – what if you think it’s done and it’s still too gooey inside? Or even worse – too hard so you can’t dip your soldiers? The horror is bringing you to doubt yourself and you’re already considering the pizza option again. Read on and learn the secret to boiling your eggs like a pro. It may give you the courage to learn how to use the washing machine – lets not be too ambitious yet though.
Firstly you need to locate a saucepan and possibly give it a rinse if it’s dusty. Pop your eggs in the pan and cover them in about half an inch of cold water. Put the stove on full heat and when the water starts to boil reduce the heat and allow the eggs to simmer at low heat for four minutes. You must use a timer. Your eggs will be cooked to have a lovely firm white with a creamy yolk perfect for dipping your toast in. mmmmmm. Eat it up quickly because the egg will still be cooking even when it’s out of the pan.
Alternatively you may want you egg to be hard boiled (no gooey yolk) at the point when the water boils you should allow the egg to simmer for seven minutes. It’s that simple!
Congratulations budding chef. You have cooked your first meal ever and are now feeling like a culinary champion. Eggs are your friends now. You want to learn more about them. You want to learn how to fry them, scramble, poach; what the hell – make an omelette! Consult the queen of the kitchen Delia Smith about these new dreams on her website. In the mean time why not use your newly found homemaking skills to wash your bed sheets and Hoover your room. Make your mother proud!
